My Social Media Hiatus

In this day and age, a FIVE month social media hiatus? Can you even imagine? It sounds like a millennials, self-inflicted, champagne problem kind of  nightmare. Luckily, I made it out alive and I’m here to tell my story of how I survived… Grab your popcorn, a glass of wine, buckle up and get ready for this ride.

So, What Happened?

I want to start by saying, I don’t think that social media is the enemy! I don’t think that there is a top-level security clearance master plan designed to turn us all into robots to live out the rest of our lives like that one Black Mirror episode where “likes” determined your access to everyday essentials. I would also like to take the time to shout out my personal FBI agent assigned to my webcam (we all have one), if you’re reading this and I’ve just blown a big covert operation, I’m so sorry, it was nice knowing you and say “Hi!” to the family for me. Now, back to you social media addicted weirdos (kidding!).

  I think we can all agree that 2019 was a year filled with a whole lot of “what in the actual fuck’s?” a splash of “you have to be kidding me” and a handful of “if we could just skip to 2020, that’d be great”. I’m not saying 2020 is shaping up to be anything near the potential it had to be but it sure had a promising first 12 days. From my love life to my work life to my family life and everything in between, your girl was facing one right hook after another uppercut all year. I finally saw the end to a seemingly never ending break-up, I quit my job, I moved out, I dyed my hair blonde (again) and sleep was an old, distant memory that I hadn’t seen in a long time. It felt like everything around me was finding a way to come to an end and I was struggling trying to find something, anything to hold onto that was new and full of life. But somehow, it wasn’t all awful, all the time. 2019 also came with its fair share of “aha!” moments and “thank God I finally did it” revelations. I went on more solo adventures than I ever have, I booked any and every flight I wanted and embraced learning about myself alone and on my own time, I fell in love with me again and I found love in unexpected places. However, there was a gloomy dark cloud lingering over me that kept reminding me how painful and hard some of those moments were throughout the year and I needed to find a way to unpack that. So, I decided I was going to go into this next decade of my life with intent, with purpose, with clear goals in mind and actively work toward becoming the best version of me that there could be. I wrote down my New Years resolutions and on December 30th, I decided, I was going to delete all social media for the first 3 months of 2020.

   Now, this wasn’t my first time going on a social media hiatus or as I’d previously referred to it “a social media cleanse”. I’d removed social media from my phone for 30 days during the spring of 2019 when I was deciding to leave my job and beginning to transition into the next stage of my life and it was awful! I was having crazy withdrawal and itching at this ever present desire to share all of my thoughts and fun adventures with my followers. I had no idea what to do with all the free time I’d suddenly had. But around week 3 of my social media cleanse, I didn’t even notice the lack of notifications, I stopped jumping at every buzz on my phone, I didn’t have this unreasonable need to check on what everyone was doing all of the time and I began to notice something I’d never paid attention to before. My conversations with people became more intentional, they had more depth and complexity to them, I was present in every interaction I had and the people I communicated with dwindled down by quite a bit. You know when you’re talking to someone and you play that game of who’s going to reach out first or you wait a number of days before you say something just to prove the point that if you hadn’t initiated conversation, you wouldn’t be talking? (I’m not triggered, it’s fine). It was a lot like that, but with friends and acquaintances that I swore up and down I had meaningful relationships with, even if they were just in my DMs. I began to realize who and what matter the most and who feels the same way about me when I’m no longer a quick swipe up and or a double tap away from them. This isn’t to encourage you all to disappear from social platforms for a month to see who your real friends are, that wasn’t my intention. It was just an observation I made along the way. I realized that the people I wanted and needed to check-in on were my priority and everything else was a nice bonus but sometimes an overwhelming amount of information overload. Remembering how free I felt after 30 days of no social media, I figured a great way to kick-start my new and improved, self loving, life appreciating, little victory seeking self would be to remove myself from the distractions that my social networks provided.

New year, new me

  There’s something cathartic and cleansing about the beginning of every New Year. For whatever reason, we all decide that on January 1st (or whichever date you celebrate your new year) that we get the chance to start over again and set new goals that we have the next twelve months to accomplish. Beginning my hiatus at the start of the new year seemed fitting. This time around, I didn’t feel like I was missing anything at all. I had no sudden urges to check what people posted or wore to their NYE parties the night before, I didn’t care to check to see who might’ve watched my 2019 recap story and I definitely didn’t feel the need to announce that I’d be taking a break for a little while. Eventually people noticed that the overly talkative, pre-shower dance party having, gym going, puppy-loving girl wasn’t popping up on their timeline anymore and the questions started to roll in.

“Hey girl, haven’t seen you post on social in a while, just wanted to make sure you were alive.”

“Are you okay? How’s Teddy? Where have you been?”

“Where did you go?”

“When are you done with your social media hiatus? This is kind of dramatic”

  So, what did social media have to do with me getting back on track and working on myself? Why did the hiatus last so long and why am I back now? Like I said from the beginning, I don’t think social media is the creator of all evil, I actually think that all social platforms, in their own right, are wonderful tools that allow people to share, connect and grow in ways that haven’t always available to us. For me, however, my social media use became toxic and eventually reminded me of being in an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship. It was something intended for good that had found a way to inflict an enormous amount of pain, enforce self-loathing and constant doubt. I’d let go of healthy communication habits I’d worked so hard to build over the years and reduced them down to “you were the first to watch my story but you haven’t texted me in 4 hours”, “oh so that’s what people are doing, I’ll never get to that point” and worst of all were “If I post this, then” statements I’d succumbed to. I was following content that didn’t match who I wanted to be in life, I was subscribing to things because I had an intense fear of missing out, and I was making myself sit through post after story after tweet of triggering content that brought back painful memories I hadn’t completely worked through. I would question my validity or “status” in someones life if we went somewhere and I was strategically cropped out of all of the stories and posts. Most of all, I’d started to lose my sense of self and was starting to feel like I didn’t “belong” anywhere. So I decided to remove myself from all of the outside opinions and stress of fitting in and started to figure out who I was without all of the extra input.

   My number one New Year resolution for 2020 was to live in the moment and be more present. Stepping away from the woes of posting and feverishly checking responses to my latest post, I made myself disconnect with the things I’d convinced myself I couldn’t go without. I was able to decrease my daily intake of information and could keep it at a minimal and manageable level. While I was away from social media I wasn’t consumed by the details that went into the perfect story or the well curated tweet that would generate traffic or the right attention, I was just enjoying my experiences. I found myself smiling so much more and enjoying life in a way that I’d forgotten existed pre-social media abuse. I was putting my foot down in situations I didn’t think I had a leg to stand on and it was met with respect and admiration. I was having and encouraging difficult conversations that otherwise would’ve been avoided or coddled under the “but they sent fire emojis and liked my post so we’re fine” umbrella. My relationships grew in a way that, in the space I was in previously, never would’ve been able to thrive before. Soon enough, I looked up and it was nearing the end of February and I just wasn’t ready to dive back in yet. I told myself, I’d allow myself back on social media when I was ready. Whenever that was and in whatever way I felt best, it would be the right time.

What now?

  It’s now May and I’m still a little bit apprehensive about getting back into the full swing of things, so I’m taking it one app at a time. I’ve learned a lot about myself and the work I need to do to get to a place where the smallest negative DM or comment won’t seemingly ruin my entire day. I am a constant work in progress and nowhere near the end just yet but I’m working and I am so proud of myself for that. A social media hiatus isn’t for everyone and it will not be the answer to all of your problems. I didn’t choose to deprive the world of videos and pictures of my adorable puppy and my world class boomerang selfies because it was FUN for me! I did it because I was starving the parts of my life that needed the most nourishment and I was overindulging in the validation and expectations of everyone else. I didn’t understand the power I had in removing that content from my feed or the feeling of relief it would later bring me when I decided who and what I allowed both myself and others to have access to. But here I am, back and better than ever. A little dramatic with an entire dissertation serving as my “comeback story” but it’s who I am. I talk A LOT,  sometimes share more than most people do and I’m pretty transparent on my platforms but this time, it’s with intent.

My sharing isn’t just me venting because I have no one that’ll listen to me. I’m sharing because someone, somewhere is dealing with something similar to the things I have and one way or another, we’re going to connect and this will speak to them. I’m sharing because I know how great it feels to have stumbled upon a post or tweet that was so oddly relatable you almost feel like it was written for you and you feel a little bit less alone. This blog is for all of us. This space is for encouragement, it’s a space to be inspired, to laugh, cry, dream or get some good recipes for date night. Most importantly, this space is safe, this space is for the wanderers of the world looking for a place to call home, and my debate hungry friends that love a good think piece. If you’re that someone, I hope you found some comfort in this and are feeling inspired to keep on working through your stuff. Keep coming back every week to see what’s new, check in and share your ideas, this is just the beginning! And always, always, remember to find the little victories in every day I promise you, it’s going to pay off in the end.

all my love always,

Alexis Maria