The Love Series pt. 1
Way back when this blog was nothing but a set of very well organized color coded post-it notes across several notebooks and clip boards around my apartment, I asked some friends to define love for me. It was a simply worded question, that could’ve been answered a number of ways. Everyone’s answers differed in so many ways but still in the end there was one thing that remained true about everyone’s answer… None of us, not even me the guru and all knowing being of all things love *insert crowd laughter from a 90’s sitcom*, had one cohesive answer for what the word love means. Even Webster’s dictionary doesn’t have a single solid definition for the word love, so how do we all know what it is? If no one can agree on its definition, if no one really knows what it means for anyone but themselves, can it really be something we all experience similarly? How do we hold someone accountable for loving us or not when we don’t universally agree on what that means? Or is love something that’s experienced on a spectrum amongst a multitude of other emotions and love is the word we’re most comfortable, or in some cases most uncomfortable, using to validate or express whatever we’re feeling?
I don’t have “THE answer” but I’ve got a ton of thoughts and opinions and experiences with what I define as love and I think a lot of you will be able to relate so I decided to write a series on love. When I say I have a TON of thoughts and opinions, I’m not exaggerating, so I had to split this series into two parts. In “The Love Series pt.1” we’re covering love and experiences in love from anxiety in romantic relationships to establishing boundaries in platonic partnerships to understanding that at some point, everyone is the villain in someone’s story. Love saw me through each of these experiences in life and it’s still guiding me through the things I’m learning on a day to day basis. I wrote this series in hopes to help someone out there put words to their current circumstances and to see that you’re not alone in whatever it is you’re going through in this moment. The stories I tell and the lessons I learned along the way are real and we’re getting real open and vulnerable. But if not here, where and if not now, when? The Love Series isn’t for everyone and all of the posts may not relate to your life at this moment, maybe they trigger an experience from your past that you’re now able to look back on and think “Damn I made it out of that…”. Either way, if no one else has said it lately, I’m proud of you and I’m proud of us. Everyday we are growing and learning and discovering new ways to love, new ways to ask for the love we’re searching for and accepting loss of love even when it may feel like the hardest thing we’ve ever had to go through.
“I can’t keep making a home out of you just cause you’re asking me to”
If you know me personally, you know one of the ways I communicate the best is via music… When I listen to music I don’t always hear what everyone else hears and that’s the beauty of what the artists give to us. This entire series was inspired by “To Me” by Alina Baraz. When I first heard that song I was going through, to this day, the worst breakup I’ve ever experienced in my life. Just about anything you can imagine going wrong, went wrong all at once and I was on a downward spiral going nowhere fast. In the song she says “I can’t keep making a home out of you just cause you’re asking me to” and I stopped mid-ugly cry and it clicked. I had to stop pouring all of this goodness and positivity and energy into this other person I wanted to make my home because they weren’t on solid ground, there was no true foundation...
Each post has a few songs tied to it that really express what I want you to get out of the lesson I learned and hope to pass on to you. If you feel moved by anything you read or you feel like someone may be able to learn from my experiences, please share! If you feel like I’m yelling at you and you’re getting somewhat attacked and realizing maybe you should hold yourself accountable to higher standards and elevate your expectations of the folks around you.... I can confirm this is 100% about you, I’m talking shit, yes you, right there with the name and the face, yup uh huh, this is directed at you… Take it in, read it out loud, learn all the things and apply this new found knowledge as you move forward. And if anyone asks you why you’re suddenly intellectualizing every song you hear and drawing connections to your real life when that for sure was not the artists original intent you tell them like Auntie Tab told us “cause that’s my business.. Like so, like that”.
all my love always,
Alexis Maria
